Empty nest syndrome is the name given to parents or guardians’ feelings when their last or only child leaves home.
It’s disorientating and bittersweet – a mix of sadness and excitement – but it’s normal and expected. One minute you’re proud and happy that your child is off to pastures new and making the most of the opportunities available to them. Next, you’re struck with worry about their whereabouts or wellbeing. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, and you need to recognise that and give yourself time to adjust.
Although not clinically recognised, empty nest syndrome can typically include:
- Grief
- Sadness
- Loneliness
- Anxiety
- Nostalgia
- Loss of purpose, identity or self-esteem
- Mood swings
All of these can cause stress and illness.
Finding your new routine
Just as childhoods go in stages (first steps, last day at primary school etc), this is another stage in your life that requires a change of routine.
You may now have some extra time on your hands and filling it with a hobby you enjoy might be just what you need. You could return to a pastime you had to give up when you became a mum or find something new to do. You could also volunteer for a local charity, especially if your home feels eerily quiet and you need something to do outside the house.
Unlike when you became a mum and brought your child or children up, your new schedule can focus on you and your goals. Start by listing what you care most about and what you’d like to achieve, then allocate time to fulfil those into your week. You may eventually learn to love your new-found freedom, but it can take time to make the change. Don’t put yourself under any pressure.
Your relationship with your other half may change
Having an empty nest can put pressure on relationships with your spouse. Most couples put their relationship on hold to raise their family, so a home with just the two of you adds a new dynamic and may require adjustments from both parties. Unfortunately, it can also feel a little awkward as though you need to get to know each other all over again. Try to think of things you both enjoy, such as breaks away or meals out, to rekindle your relationship.
Other ways to beat empty nest syndrome
Process your emotions creatively Take up art, dance, music or poetry, for example.
Listen to a podcast or read a book There are lots of resources out there created by people in the same boat, so I’m sure you’ll find advice and inspiration there. I’ve included a list at the end of this article.
Talk it out Talk about how you’re feeling to a close friend or professional. Don’t bottle your feelings up.
Find some company If you miss company and nurturing your child, a pet could make an excellent companion. There are lots of animals in charity adoption centres looking for loving homes, so start there. You could also meet new people through clubs and community groups, such as book clubs, fitness clubs or local committees.
USEFUL RESOURCES
Podcasts
There are hundreds of podcasts covering empty nests, most of them based in the US. Here are three I chose for you as a starting point to show the variety available:
Your Empty Nest Coach Podcast – Hosted by specialist coach, Christine
Empty Nesting – Listen to parents talk about their experiences
Dawn of a Better You – This podcast enlightens and support single parent empty nesters
Books
These are the top-rated empty nest books on Amazon. I personally choose not to shop with Amazon, so I’ve included links to some alternative shops too.
Finding Joy in the Empty Nest by Jim Burns PhD from Amazon and WHSmith
Empty Nest, Full Life by Jill Savage from Blackwells and Amazon
A View from an Empty Nest by Bonnie Sparrman from Amazon