Issue 10 Motherhood

Peanut: The App

Peanut is an app for mothers. A place they can meet other Mum’s – because sometimes finding people in the same boat as you can be such a relief. It can show you that you’re not doing a bad job, you’re not doing it wrong and you’re definitely not alone.

When I was recommended to use the app by a friend I was a bit confused. I don’t have kids. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year and have become quite down about the entire process. That’s when I found that the Peanut app now has a community for women TTC. (Trying to conceive – the app is full of acronyms and it’s been taking me a while to get my head around them!)

The website says: “Peanut shines a light on an often silent struggle, launching a community created specifically for women trying to conceive.

We believe that trying to conceive should be a supported journey – not kept in the shadows, but met with shared experience, compassion, and community. We believe that the more we speak about our experiences, the less isolating they become.”

At first, I was a bit pessimistic. I thought it would be just another forum, where women spout their advice as bible and preach old wives tales about how best to conceive – you can get a lot of trolls and Karen’s in places like forums! Don’t get me wrong, there is a little bit of that at times, but actually the main part of the app works very similarly to that of Tinder!

I logged on and made my profile. Chose an image or two, set my bio, chose a few categories of things I’m interested in, and detailed how long I’ve been TTC. Then once that was done I could swipe through images of ladies and ‘wave’ at the ones that I thought might be good to have a chat with or have things in common with me.

It felt really strange, but after a few days on the app and after chatting to some likeminded ladies all in the same boat as one another, I suddenly felt like this was what I had been looking for, for a long time.

Fertility isn’t something you talk about every day with the people around you. I don’t tell everyone when my period arrives, which incidentally makes me feel like a failure of a woman. Each failed cycle brings with it tears of upset and then the resolve to try again and try harder in the next cycle. And this rollercoaster ride isn’t always something that you feel inclined to share – even with those closest to you.

Mainly because you don’t want to be a burden. Because let’s face it, the journey to conception for some women can be long, drawn-out, and full of peaks and troughs. So, having this online community of women that are obsessing over ovulation tests, acting as soundboards for one another, and recommending fertility trackers and apps… it makes you feel as though you are among your people. And although each and every one of you has their fingers crossed that the other will get pregnant soon, it’s nice being able to chat openly about the process. 

Some of the pitfalls I suppose of the app are when certain women get a positive and post it on the forum for all to see. And although most people joyfully congratulate them, there is definitely a feeling of resentment underneath that nearly all of the women in the TTC bracket feel. What is the etiquette though if you do finally fall pregnant? How difficult will it be to break it to your Peanut friends? Does it mean that the friendship doesn’t advance further than that, now that you’re not in the TTC club? How does that work?

I’m yet to find out, but for now, the app is a brilliant way for me to socialise with women who are hoping and praying that just one little swimmer will succeed in his or her journey and result in a BFP!

Lanie xoxo

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