I discovered Father Christmas wasn’t real when I was nine years old. I tried so hard to stay awake that Christmas Eve, pretending I was asleep but I was too excited. All I could think about was him coming into my room and leaving me presents at the end of my bed in my pillow case. I had set him a trap, a shoe for him to trip over. It worked too, however I then discovered that he swore which blew any fairytale ending of meeting him.
How do you tell them?
The main question is do we leave it for our children to find it out for themselves or do we tell them?
Putting yourselves in their shoes is considered the best way to do it. There is not a particular best age that children should know, they are all different. One of the main things that makes this difficult is your children will talk about the ‘big man’ with their friends. Then, if and when they find out the truth, it can be quite a shock and for some of them it can be quite devastating.
Unfortunately, controlling what your children hear from other children is near impossible so you have to go with your gut. You know your child and you know how much they enjoy the magic of Christmas. But you also know their personality traits and what their reaction will be when they discover that Father Christmas isn’t real.
They need to understand that you were not lying to them all this time, you were just helping them to believe the ‘magic’. How do you explain that to them? Are they at the age where they would understand if you told them that?
The other thing that needs to be thought of is how sensitive they are. Those who are more sensitive are prone to being more upset if they are told. I think every parent dreads the day their children find out the truth. It almost looses the magic of Christmas. But Christmas can still be magical, so be prepared with something if and when this does happen. Get them to help with decorations and choosing and wrapping presents for friends and family.
If you have older children that already know he doesn’t exist, do you do anything to try and maintain the magic? There are many things that can be done, like setting new and using existing traditions. I think even now as an adult I still love the magic of Christmas, like many other adults. Christmas is a time for happiness for many of us, spending time with loved ones having a meal together and playing games.
Christmas can also be a time for appreciation of what we have, sharing in the community like many. Celebrating those volunteers that go out and make meals for the homeless and the elderly, this could be a new tradition to set. Or even showing children that others need our help and support. There are many traditions that could be started in your family like this. Playing a certain game every year or singing certain songs.
In our family, our Christmas Day has gone from eleven to three of us and sadly this happens due to the children growing up becoming adults. They have their own children and want to do different things. Not only that, but the grandparents aren’t as mobile as they used to be so they prefer to stay at home. So this year our new tradition will be competing with each other in Lego building and drawing. Also, we made the decision to get a new board game every year, as well as play with the ones we already have.
When do you tell them?
The average age that children find out is eight or nine according to a poll that was taken last year, although there isn’t a specific age they need to know by. But there is an element of judging how old you think they should be, because as the parent it’s ultimately your decision. And as we all very well know, every child is different.
The stories
There are many families with children that have discovered the truth at an earlier age.
One friend I know was up in the loft on Christmas Eve (thinking her children all asleep) unbeknown to her they got out of bed.
Another friend admitted that she was quite a cynical child and never believed from an early age that a big fat man would deliver every single child’s presents in one night.
You will of course get those who question everything.
One mum stated that her child questioned everything about Father Christmas and she continually asked questions. One of which was ‘do the reindeer come down the chimney too, because they leave the half eaten carrot in the lounge?’
My brother apparently told our mum that he didn’t want a big old man in his bedroom and left his pillowcase outside his bedroom door.
I don’t think it matters what age you are, we all still enjoy the magic!